* Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty, even though everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
*There are three signs of old age. The first is your loss of memory, the other two I forget.
*You're getting old when you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
*Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.
*Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to
every man. Isn't that the worst time for a guy to get those odds?
*You know you're getting on in years when the girls at the office start
confiding in you.
*Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.
*By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
*Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both ends and have begun to grow in the middle.
*Of course I'm against sin, I'm against anything that I'm too old to enjoy.
*Billy Graham has described heaven as a family reunion that never ends. What must hell possible be like? Home videos of the same reunion?
*A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow
down by his doctor instead of by the police.
*Middle age is having a choice of two temptations and choosing
the one that will get you home earlier.
*You know you're into middle age when you realize that caution
is the only thing you care to exercise.
*At my age, "getting a little action" means I don't need to take a
laxative.
*Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will
avoid you.
*The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way
through Congress.
*You're getting old when getting lucky means you find your car in
the parking lot.
*You're getting old when you're sitting in a rocker and you can't
get it started.
*You're getting old when your wife gives up sex for Lent and you
don't know till the 4th of July.
*You're getting old when you wake up with that morning-after
feeling and you didn't do anything the night before.
*The cardiologist's diet: if it tastes good, spit it out.
*Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news; the good
news is that you are not a hypochondriac.
*It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.
*You know you're getting old when you stop buying green
bananas.
*Last Will and Testament: Being of sound mind, I spent all
my money.
