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Why are a lion at the beach and Christmas alike?
Because the lion has sandy claws.
Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?
Because it soots him.
What can Santa give away and still keep?
A cold.
What does Santa use to raise corned beef and cabbage?
A knife and fork.
There is something at the North Pole that has many teeth
but does not bite. What is it?
A comb.
What kind of fish does Santa find in a birdcage?
A perch.
Why do giraffes get Christmas gifts every year?
They are so good that they'll stick their necks out for anyone.
ELF: Santa, one of the reindeer swallowed my pencil! What should I do?
SANTA: Use a pen.
Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace?
He wanted to sleep like a log.
What do elves learn in school?
The Elf-abet!
If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get?
Missletoe!
How many reindeer does Santa Have???
11 (named below)
Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen
Rudoph (the one with the red nose)
Olive (Olive the other reigndeer {all of})
and Al (Then Al the reindeer loved him {all})
What nationality is Santa Claus?
North Polish.
If Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus had a child, what would he be called?
A subordinate claus.
What kind of bird can write?
A PENguin.
Why does Santa's sled get such good mileage?
Because it has long-distance runners on each side.
Why does Scrooge love Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?
Because every buck is dear to him.
What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!
JUDY: What did the ghosts say to Santa Claus?
MIKE: We'll have a boo Christmas without you.
ELF NO. 1: What did Santa shout to his toys on Christmas Eve?
ELF NO. 2: Okay everyone, sack time!!
What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmastime?
Sandy Claus!
How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
Fleece Navidad!
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Claustrophobic.
What do you do if Santa gets stuck in your chimney?
Pour Santa flush on him.
Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
So he can ho-ho-ho.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.
What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
Ribbon hood.
What did the Gingerbread Man put on his bed?
A cookie sheet!
Who sings "Love me tender", and makes Christmas toys?
Santa's little Elvis.
Which of Santa's reindeers needs to mind his manners the most?
"Rude"olph
What reindeer has the cleanest antlers?
Comet
What is the cow's holiday greeting?
Mooooory Christmas!
What does Santa likes to eat?
A jolly roll.
Where do Santa's reindeers like to stop for lunch?
Deery Queen
What does Santa say when he is sick?
OH OH NO!
How does Santa Claus take pictures?
With his North Pole-aroid.
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
It's Christmas, Eve.
Why did they let the turkey join the band?
Because it had the drum sticks.
What did Tarzan sing at Christmas time?
Jungle Bells.
What goes, " ho, ho,,swoosh,, ho, ho,,, soosh? "
Santa caught in a revolving door.
Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
Because he had low elf esteem.
Why did the little girl change her mind about buying her grandmother a
packet of handkerchiefs for Christmas?
She said "I could not work out what size her nose was!
Two brothers we are, belonging to Santa,
Great burdens we bear by which we are bitterly pressed;
The truth is to say we are full all the day
And empty when we go to rest. What can we be?
Santa's boots.
What is the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
The Christmas alphabet has NO EL.
What was wrong with the boy's brand new toy electric train set he
received for Christmas?
Forty feet of track - all straight!
What did the sheep say to the shepherd?
Seasons Bleetings
What happened when Santa's cat swallowed a ball of yarn?
She had mittens.
Do give books - religious or otherwise - for Christmas. They're never fattening, seldom sinful, and permanently personal.
Lenore Hershey
Christmas Jokes For All Ages
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In 1907, Oklahoma became the last USA state to declare Christmas a legal holiday.
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