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Stressed out today?
Cheer up!
Modern medicine has come up with some great new stuff to make life easier.
St. Mom's Wort ...
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering
preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.
Empty Nestrogen ...
Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait til they moved out.
Dumerol ...
can cause dangerously low I.Q. causing enjoyment of country
western music.
Antiboyotics ...
When administered to teenage girls, is highly effective in improving grades, freeing up phone lines, and reducing money spent on
make-up.
Buyagra ...
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency
and duration of spending spree.
Extra Strength Buy-one-all ...
When combined with Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminant buying frenzy so severe the victim may even come home with a Donnie Osmond CD or a book by Dr. Laura.
Jack Asspirin ...
Relieves the headache caused by a man who can't remember
your birthday, anniversary or phone number.
Anti-talksident ...
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers.
Ragamet ...
When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as
ragging on him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.
The beauty is that people often come here for the stretch, and leave with a lot more.
~Liza Ciano, co-owner & co-director of Yoga Vermont
NEW MEDS
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Wild rice is the official grain of the state of Minnesota. For many years, most of the wild rice produced in the world came from Minnesota's shallow lakes.
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